i permit you to call me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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