Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
