I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
