Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
