I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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