well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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