I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
