I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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