So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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