Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
