you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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