If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize