im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
