if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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