Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
