My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
3pm strippers are depressing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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