remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
