i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
