I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
