If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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