I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
