i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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