Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
