I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
