It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
