Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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