remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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