What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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