I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
