you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
