Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
