all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
