i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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