Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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