when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
