Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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