I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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