from now on my penis is your penis
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
