it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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