so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
