When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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