just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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