Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
