Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
