We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
