she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
