Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
