Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I cockslap morals
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize