I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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