Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
