my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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