K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
