I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
