I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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