Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
