My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
