neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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