I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
