Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
