I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I came so hard my ears popped.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
