His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
